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TUThespian410
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Name: Aaron
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Gender: Male
Interests: God, girls, and food. HECK YEAH!
Expertise: Your mom.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/23/2006
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| Okay, so I got through the surgery okay. Now I'm just in lots of pain and trying to recover. Today I've got a headache on top of the surgery pain. boooo! Oh well... Anyway, just wanted to update to let people know I survived surgery. lol | | |
| Lots to say, and I feel like crap, so I'm gonna do it matt style and just throw a bunch of information out there. lol
~ I'm caught between a rock and a hard place in my life right now. I'm nowhere. So i can't stay there. But I have no clue where to go next or how to get there.
~ I'm supposed to have surgery on 1-15
~ If I don't get rid of this sinus infection in the next couple days my surgery might be postponed.
~ I really don't want that to happen.
~ I'm gonna head to bed so I can get good rest to try and curb the sinus infection thing...
Peace, love, and chicken wings.
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| lol As if anybody will actually read this, it is true, I have returned to Xanga. I've just been feeling the need to write out crap lately, and I know that if I do it on facebook notes, nobody will ever read any of them, b/c for anybody to even consider reading my notes on facebook, it seems, they have to be up for, like, a full week, and have that person tagged.  But, anyway, that is right, I am back on xanga for now...
Right now I wanna just vent about the extreme hardships of being single at 21. I know that sounds like a "haha" but it really isn't.
Hardship #1 - Self-Esteem Crisis
~ What's wrong with me? Why am I unable to attract somebody? Am I that ugly? That annoying? That undesireable? All questions that single young adults naturally ask themselves (and God) as they struggle with rejection and watching other people pair up, and (perhaps) watching those who have rejected them find somebody else. I have watched many of my friends get married. Lots of friends of mine are now having kids. I have always deeply wanted to be a husband and father, and, to be honest, I always saw myself married by 21 and becoming a father just a couple of years later. Now that I'm almost 22 and still can't get a girlfriend, sure I wonder why. It is natural, and a HUGE burden (read hardship) to question what is wrong with me that I seem to hold no appeal to the opposite sex?
Hardship #2 - Fear for the Future
~ Most 21 and 22 year olds had always planned on being married (or at least in a serious relationship) by that age. To have reached, and passed, that age and not be in any kind of a relationship is a frightening wake up call. What if I don't find somebody? What if I'm alone forever? Will I NEVER be a father? Will I NEVER have somebody to go through life with, somebody who'll encourage and lift me up and bring me closer to God, somebody who I can support and love and cherish with all my heart? Am I always going to be longing for something that I will never find? This fear is a huge burden that causes many people to make stupid choices and causes a lot of depression, stress, and anxiety. The fear also magnifies the self-esteem crisis and the loneliness, as well as adding an element of defeatism and feeling of failure to the mix.
Hardship #3 - Loneliness
~ "A guy needs somebody - to be near him. A guy goes nuts if he ain't got
nobody. Don't make no difference who the guy is, long's he's with you.
I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely an' he gets sick." - Of Mice and Men
~ "
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." Genesis 2:18a
~ God created man and woman to compliment each other. He created us to work in tandem. To leave our Father and Mother and take two parts (man and woman) and become one whole. Without His "other half" a man is lacking something. Companionship is only a small part of it. And this loneliness that comes from missing one's "other half" goes deeper than a desire for companionship. It is a desire for a life-partner. Somebody to be ONE with in all that you go through...It is a deeper, sadder, more crushing loneliness, and it is a burden that is VERY hard to bear.
Hardship #4 - Being, in effect, a Social Outcast
~ When you're single at my age...Not only do you not have that special somebody. But it's hard, almost impossible, to have a social life. Everybody else has somebody, and they all hang out with their "couple friends." And you're not even invited because you're a third, or fifth wheel. An odd man out, and that's no good, when you stick to couples there's always an even number, which comes in handy for most activities you can do in a group, as well as when it comes time to divide and the guys can hang out with the guys and not be guilty because their gals are hanging out with the other gals. And then if you do make friends with a guy, he's always too busy with his "special someone." And if you make friends with a gal, her "special someone" is jealous, so you can't hang out w/ her either.
In short, there's a lot more hardship to being single than most people think, and it is just never-ending. It's exhausting, and there's no way out. There are NO single girls my age at our church. There is ONE single young adult female at our church and she's in her thirties, and we just don't get along even as friends...
And all of the "single living" books out there for Christians these days focus on dating. How to control your dating life and avoid temptation and all. There's nothing out there for how to deal with the hardships of being genuinely single (not just unmarried but still dating)...
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| Perhaps my frustration is the result of poor communication on my part. Therefore I will try to help you see more clearly what is going on, that I may (hopefully) ease your minds. I will do this by posting a part of a comment I left on a friend's xanga. There is one small tidbit that I added for this post.:
"You're right, I do need to be sre I'm ready. And i'm working on that. I
have 2 people praying REALLY hard for the deisions I'm struggling with
making (which nobody but them and I know what that is [and that's how I want it])...But,
yeah...we're praying for God to make CLEAR his plan for me. I don't
know what it will be, but I'm working on some different scenarios...
[...]
Please know that I AM seeking God's
guidance EVERY step of the way, and that if I do take a step (even if
it's one you don't agree with) I am doing it because I believe that it
is what GOD wants me to do, not because I want it. I am in this for the
glory of God, NOT my own glory. Please know that about me. That is my
ONLY motivation."
Also know that just because I'm frustrated with not being somewhere, or I'm considering taking some steps to alter my situation, that does not mean that I am not looking for opportunities to minister where I am. I am a member of an outreach team. I'm involved in several ministries at my church, and preparing to start a drama ministry there as well. Just because I am preparing myself to move on, and frustrated that I have not been able to do so yet, does not mean that I am not serving where I can while I wait. It simply means that I am frustrated and considering changing my situation....
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| *sigh* The more I talk the more I learn that nobody gets it....
So I give up. I am going to remain silent from here on out. My Miranda Rights are being invoked.
I'm so tired of this life...
I'm glad reincarnation is a crock, cause I couldn't handle this again.
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